Do you ever feel...

Do you as fellow buddhists ever feel sad or even angry when you try your hardest to be compassionate and nice to everyone and people just step all over you?

As Buddhists we're supposed to practice unconditional love and compassion but sometimes it is so hard. Sometimes I think that it's a "dog eat dog world" and we have to be fierce to be strong. After all, life isn't always fair and "evil" does sometimes win. I know that everything has to do with cause and effect, and karma but we are so ignorant that we do not know what we have done in our past lives.

We all try to be like GrandMaster. He is so compassionate but not only do people slander him, his own students even turn on him. He has transcended birth and death so he is not affected by these events but the rest of us have not. We are still imperfect and sometimes it is so hard to practice compassion.
Master Tighe said that compassion starts first with the people around you and your family. Even that is so hard. Sometimes people do things and they don't bother you but it seems your family knows how to push all your buttons at once.
I don't know if I'm making any sense.

I have a really soft heart and I am always honest. I can't tell lies ever, it is not in me. I forgive people really easily even if they do the worst things to me I am still nice to them. I mean I recently got into a car crash. The lady hit me from behind but claimed that she hit me b/c she did not see me do a U-turn. I could've denied it but I told the truth. She didn't actually hit me until much later and she hit me because of the ice and not the turn. Now it happens that I might even have to pay for her damage. Where does all this honesty take me? It is so sad :( I know I have done nothing wrong. If I did, I would immediately admit it.

But I have a good story which happened today:
There is this girl in my class and I let her borrow all my notes, photocopy them for her and even lend her my textbook. However, after I did all this she stepped all over me. She gloated that I was not as smart as her (in more subtle terms). For example, she'd comment that my studying habits were bad and that I did not know the material as well as her. Even after all this, I was not mean to her. Finally we got our midterms back. She got a B+. She shoved the mark in my face and even said that it was not good enough. She tried to make me feel so bad and stupid. However, I accepted it. I was even worried because I believed everything she said about me. Then I finally got my mark. The teacher looked at me and said, "Jackie, It was a priviledge in reading your essay. It was wonderful. Good Job." I was shocked when I received my mark. I got an A!! I was one out of a few people to get the highest mark in the class. Afterwards, the girl found out and was furious. She was steaming mad and said that she should've got a better mark than me (body language).

After all this, it gave me hope. I realized that it is sometimes really hard to stay compassionate but in the end it is all worth it. For this reason, I will persevere. People might say that all the things we do are useless but in the end we will all shine!!

Please share some of your thoughts and experiences too! It will help us all to grow stronger!

Om Mani Padme Hom

Celesialmaiden
((((((Hugs)))))))))

I know that being compassionate at home can be very difficult, especially because we know our family and they know us.  It seems much easier to do nice things for anonymous people, like helping an elderly lady with her bags at a grocery store, or giving up your seat to someone, etc..
These things are easier because we do not know them and do not expect anything from them, and feel really good when we get a nice reaction.

I will share something with you.  Usually when someone behaves in a way that we do not like it is because we have behaved that way before. (Vice versa) That is why we are able to identify the feeling.

This is also a great way to identify the things we need to work on in our own personality.  To help turn the Mara within into a marshmellow!   ;)

Another point of interest is that when we believe that someone made up mad, for example, it most usually is not that person.  Why?  First someone does not have the power to make us anything.  This is something we chose.
Second of all we react from a past association.

A good way to test this out is when you are feeling angry at someone, stop, go some place private and ask yourself when have I felt this feeling before?  Dig in there.  You will find the answer and it may surprise you.

If one can practice this with our family how much, where it really hits home, how much better can we practice this with the outside world?

Being dishonest is bad karma, as is cheating on ones taxes, it comes and bites us back eventually.  
Many people do not have such a conscience!  You have a beautiful heart.  Your honesty will only lead you to good karma.  Sometimes we do not see it right away but it comes.

Brenda

Great story Celestialmaiden,
   thankx for sharing!  8)  
im gonna sound like a broken record but oh well...
       equanimity will solve all problems...
  im not saying im totally right about this its just an idea...

Pride means (potential praise) she had self pride that she was smarter than you, her studying habits were better and that she knew the material... these are compliments shes had in the past and was holding onto them... when we gloat about our self pride its a way of giving ourself pleasure by self praise at the expense of someone else... Your self pride was damaged by her words and you hurt from it but you did the great thing by not striking back to protect it...
       heres where generosity comes in... you can call it a lie but i call it a gift... and im not suggesting you failed to do anything im just showing you a gift you can offer... when she got her paper and only got a B and you got an A you could of said, "you deserved the A" thats the gift... it praises her and you gave away some of your own self pride which is good...
       you might say you would be encouraging bad behavior by giving praise where its not deserved but since we are under delusion of self its much safer to praise others then to take it away...
       it works for me and this is how i practice generosity to rid my own self pride... i learned this from Grand Master...
       

Brenda,
Thank you for your comments. It is so assuring to have support and understanding from a fellow Dharma Sister. I feel much better knowing that I am not the only one feeling this way. When I first read the part about feeling that way because we understood what that person felt, I did not understand. But when I was driving today I thought about it and it made sense. Sometimes we have been in the position of the other person and we know the feelings for example of pride, thus we are unhappy when we know other people use us as a pawn for their own pride. Equally as well, sometimes I feel angry sometimes because I would not have done the same thing if I was in that position. But it all goes back to the feelings thing, so I get it.  Thank you for your kindness and for listening.
Om Mani Padme Hom

Lyciss,
Thank you also for responding and giving me guidance. It is much appreciated. Although what you said might be the right thing to do, it is extremely hard for me to do so. I guess I still have a little self pride in me. Otherwise I wouldn't have told her about the A. I probably shouldn't have told her any mark so she could gloat. However, if you apply that same thing to my car accident it does not work. During the scene of the accident, the lady apologized and I said, "It's okay. Accidents happen and I understand that you did not mean to hit me and that it was the ice." As soon as I was nice to her, she turned her back on me and tried to take advantage of me. I was so nice to her and yet now she wants me to pay for her damage when I did not even hit her. In this case, I did speak words of non self-pride but it might cost me more money out of my pocket. I could've have yelled and blamed her but I didn't. How do we deal with such situations? I'm always scared that if I bottle emotions up like that I will have a breakdown and explode. I try to meditate and do practice for those bottled feelings to go away but it only lasts temporarily. Sometimes it seems better to just be a hermit and never deal with people! haha. If I told her that 'she deserved it' and put myself down and she gloated again, would I really make it to the next level after that? It is constant obstacle after obstacle. Every obstacle gets even harder. Do you think perhaps it is better to find a balance between the two? I have no idea!

Om mani padme Hom

    I agree that the accident is a different situation but there is still a way of handling it... first of all i want to say i think you did the best thing by staying honest to yourself and to the reality of the situation, if more people in the world acted like you there would probably be far fewer problems...

    Its unfortunate that you have to pay for the accident when in reality it wasnt your fault... you could of lied or fought with her to avoid having to pay... but you stuck to honesty and maybe the other woman knows the truth but she isnt exercising it...

    i remember reading somewhere in one of GM's dharma talks about dealing with karma in different ways... one way that comes to mind "modify" is what i think he refered to it as... if i find the talk im refering to ill post it and if im completely wrong please forgive me... but anywayz what i got out of the talk is a little something like this...

    You can think of having to pay for the accident like making an offering to the buddhas... i call it an offering because you can think of it like you were given a life test... and you passed again with a huge A! (you were honest) and since you are enrolled in Life University there are fees for its tests... its not how much you pay its how much you learned or got out of the course that matters... too bad the woman is sluffing her test fees off on you... but then again she also flunked...

    I understand you might not be in a situation that you can afford to pay... not many of us are... but it brings me back to thinking what mind do you use when making offerings to the buddhas? if you can keep this mind when ever you have to make offerings (pay for others mistakes) the buddhas will delight when they are in your presence!

     i hope this helps
    om mani padme hum

Lyciss,
You know what? You (or GrandMaster) are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!! I just have to think of it as an offering of my heart to the Buddhas. If I feel like I am doing all this for nothing, then it will only bring me sorrow but if I think of it as an offering my heart will be much more at ease. Thank you for your advice. I will try my best to think positively!!
Om Mani Padme Hom

Celestialmaiden

Hi Celestial Maiden and Lyciss,

Just want to say that you're both great.

Often times, I see Celestial Maiden's postings and I wish I could reply, but I have no time on my hands.  I'm really a crazy person with too much on my plate.  I do know how you feel and also empathize with you.  :-[   :) I'm known as a professional doormat by those around me, LOL...

I had a similar experience to yours, except that student never returned my notes to me until the day of the final exam, because after the first month, that was the next time he showed up to class.  Boy, am I ever cautious about lending notes out after that!  

When I see Lyciss responding, I can't stop being amazed and impressed by the advice that Lyciss gives.  In my opinion, this is true cultivation from the heart.  This is how you apply practice and teachings into your daily life, by transforming things.  

I enjoy the dialogue between you both.  ;D
Thanks for helping me soothe my mind!

Regards,

Lu

No need to thank me...
    i couldnt of said anything without receiving the gift of Dharma from Grand Master...

      om guru Lian Shen siddhi hum  
   

Today was a sad day.  :-[ My Insurance company called me today and said they analyzed everything and said I was at fault. I know that it is not obvious in black and white who is wrong but they did not even investigate. Brenda is right, it is all in the mind. When someone like my insurance company hears the word "U-Turn", they automatically assume that I am wrong. Because of this mindset they will not believe anything else. Even if they do investigate their mind is always set that I am wrong.  :( On paper, maybe it is not clear but if someone comes to look at the dent in my car, and actually investigate it they will see the truth. That is evidence right there. It is tragic that some people are fooled by their own minds. They only believe what their mind will let them believe.

The day before my car crash I did repentance at home. I said that I would start fresh to cultivate and try my best not to commit bad deeds. The following day when I got in a car crash I knew that the Buddha's transfered my past negative karma to the car. However, it would so be much easier for me to accept if I hit someone from behind. Then I would not feel bad for paying for the damage. In a shady circumstance like this, where it is not even my fault and I have to pay, I guess I must have really bad karma. So I will think of it as cleansing my karma.

Do you think I should fight it or not? Do you think that this is an obstacle and that maybe I can win in the end but I have to work hard? Please give me guidance.

Celestialmaiden.

I can only tell you what I would do.  If I knew 100 percent I was in the right then I would fight it.  If the insurance company does not want to understand then they are at fault,
which is something I would clear up with them immediatly before too much paper gets shuffled.  If they still do not want to hear it I would get a free consultation over the phone with an law firm that deals with these things and see what my options are.

I hope this helps.

Brenda

      if you feel it isnt your fault you have all the right to make the truth known... becareful not to loose your honesty just so things will turn out favorable for yourself... i personally dont see paying for this accident a burden myself... but its easy for me to say that since im not the one involved and its not my money...
     the only thing i think of when im in a situation similar to this is, theres more going on then i can see... what seems to be the "right" course of action isnt always the "best" way... sometimes by "biting the bullet" pays off in a way you never imagined or expected later...
      and i could speculate on possible outcomes which isnt always a good thing to do but then again peoples behavior is difficult to understand...
      perhaps the woman is afraid to admit guilt because she fears what her husband will say or do to her...(i dunno if shes married or not its just a thought) peoples motives against the truth are sometimes manipulated by their emotions or unfavorable environment (like fear of punishments)...
      Hypethetical situation is... lets say the woman admits the truth that it was indeed her fault... her husband gets angry and harms her or someone else in his anger...
      by taking the burden you just "might" of saved others from major sufferings...
      there can be so many what-ifs thats why i think sometimes its more of a blessing to grin-an-bear-it then to fight for the truth...

    om mani padme hum  

Hmmmm.....Lyciss....you really have the knack of bringing different perspectives to an issue.  :D

You must be a very understanding person. And the second
doormat in this team after Lu....hehe.........

I really enjoyed this chain so far. A very interesting dialogue
on the insight of human psychology.

Thankx Arica for the complements... and i thank Grand Master Lu for my "knack of bringing different perspectives to an issue"

     infact i just finished reading "The Most Stupid Corpse-Attached Spirits" the Purple Lotus Journal artical that was jus recently added... and once again GM has handed me a very valuable treasure... this quote... (thankx to the translators too ofcourse)

"Those who have suffered on earth, have spirits which have acquired great merits. Those who enjoyed fortune on earth, have spirits that huddle in lowly corners, unable to elevate themselves."

     the suffering in this statement is the kind where you put others ahead of yourself always and no matter what costs even if you were to loose your life... much like GM's vow to teach all the secret tantras even if it could cost him his life to do so...

     definately easier said then done... but i dont think its impossible to practice... i have even been afraid to speak like this around people sometimes because i can hear one of them saying... "Thom lets test this... let me kill you and see if you can keep that mind" thinking about it id have to admit im not completely capible yet to achieve it perfectly but its my goal to be able to...
     
      you might think this is a crazy way to think but its mentioned in many sutras that after reaching a high level of realization one can sacrafice ones body without fear or sense of loss if required...

   om mani padme hum

Lyciss,
It is funny. Today I read the same story because the title was so catching. Grandmaster hardly ever uses the word 'stupid.' And when I read that exact quote, I thought about what you said earlier. Life experience is so important. It makes us so much stronger and you have so much of it. I am so young spiritually so I need guidance from people who have wisdom and life experience like you.

I have been crying so much today. Everything is going wrong on top of the car crash. I feel like the whole world is going against me. Then I heard a voice from within me. It said that I wasn't alone. Although I cannot see the spiritual world, Grandmaster, Kuan Yin, and the Dharma Protectors are there for me. I feel like Grandmaster scold me because he said, "Don't think that just because you cannot see me in front of you that I have abandoned you. I have never left because I am always in your heart." I realized that Grandmaster will never leave us. It is us who reject him. Afterwards my heart calmed completely. I reflected on all the things you said, what Grandmaster said, what my heart was telling me, and what Brenda said. Because of my ignorance I can only see the outside, material world. If I use my wisdom, I realize that there is a spiritual world and I am not alone because of it. My friend after hearing my sob story asked me at the end of the night how I was feeling. Do you know what I told him?
I said, "The whole world is crumbling down on me and I am laughing!!!"
It is true  :D

Celestialmaiden... *hugs*
   
    i really hope you can find ease with this current situation and any future situation that may arise... through the power of Grand Master he can enable you to perceive your own inner Dharma...
    even a lotus bud (the potential for buddhahood) has the scent like a fully bloomed lotus...
     

    om guru Lian Shen siddhi hum
   

Is it terrible when terrible things happen?  So many points of view - from one point of view nothing happens.  From another everything is explained by causes and conditions.  To us everything can seem so important.  In 50 years, we will feel fortunate if we can remember any of it.  So much turmoil and drama on the surface - storms are incredible, beautiful things.  Who would go to a movie where one "good" thing after another happens, nothing else?  All kinds of movies are good movies.  All kinds of roles win awards.  You probably have the best seat of anyone to appreciate your drama.  What a cast!  Sounds like one of those plays where the audience has the ability to influence the plot.  No matter what direction you choose to move in, something is bound to happen.  You are reading the book in suspense, and you don't even know how many pages are left.  We are so connected!
Amazing!  Amazing!  Amazing!

One thing for sure - this thing isn't about atoms and molecules bouncing around.  It is about us.
:juggle:

ramble, ramble, ramble

lian hua dance
I will leave it to other people to post anything helpful!  We are all with you in this now, anyway.  You weren't alone before, and the truth is even truer now.  You may have to go through this, but please enjoy it on some level, even while you are experiencing everything else too.  I am glad you are laughing.

Lian Hua Dance,
Thank you for your reassurance!! Yes, you are right. There are so many dramatic storms and moments in this life story. Last week I had a flat tire. Then the day after I got a huge scratch on my car. If the insurance claim goes through, my premiums might almost double b/c I bought a new sports car for next month. (That's why I'm so concerned) Then today I lost my wallet. Someone stole my credit card and charged $350 on sporting goods on it. It was sad at first b/c I loved my wallet so much. I wanted it for a whole year but I couldn't buy it because it was too expensive. I finally bought it for myself for my birthday and now I lost it  :(. But I am holding strong. I am glad that I still have my life because material things are not as important!!! I will try to think the most positive!! Thank you so much everyone!

   the Dharma talk on saturday was great... since i dont have the transcript ill try my best to capture a piece of it the best way i can...

    after you finish brushing your teeth and leave the bathroom you dont keep thinking about the tooth brush or the tooth paste as you continue your day...
    this is how we should view our hardships... not too keep thinking about them... if we keep thinking about our problems it would be nothing different than carrying the tooth brush around all day

     after he said that it made me think of how i thought years ago... i use to be very angry with life and blamed everyone else for my unhappiness... i carried those feelings around everywhere i went and would use it to justify my bad actions... but all that time if i had just let them go i would of been happy right there and then... it seems so easy to do its almost unreal but it works for me...

     om mani padme hum

don't you fret....i have been labelled as "stupid" all my life by my mum, but i have come to a point when i am able to think that it is one way of training oneself to forgo pride...

your fren calls you stupid -- well, think it this way, maybe in a previous life you have done the same to her, and she is now getting back :)   By letting her call u stupid and you not retaliating, you are breaking a small part of karmic-recycling...

Congrats! ;)

Jessie.
You are doing alright!
Karma of the mouth is very serious.  
By not retaliating you are setting a very good example
and not creating karma.  Watch your thoughts at these times as well.

Please keep it up.
You are doing good! :)

You are not naive. The same thing happened to me about two years back. Someone I care very much said very bad things about Grandmaster and ridiculed me as naive. i had to stop cultivation for some time to pacify him...Now, on looking back, I think I was too naive in pacifying my friend and maintaining that friendship. So much time has been lost.

I just hope your friend won't say bad things about Grandmaster...Master Allen once wrote in teh English TBSN forum: it is affinity that a person believes in TBS or not....

maybe i am getting out of point here. By declaring the people here have ulterior motives, is a slander to TBS too (because all of us are bound by the precepts of TBS)...And choosing to believe in the propagator who slanders TBS (or even the mere thought of questioning TBS) means a distrust of Grandmaster and therefore a rejection of the TBS lineage.

I believe TBS practitioners are all faced with teh problems of this sort of crisis -- where those dearest to us are non-believers. I tend to regard it as Mara testing our patience.

So hang in there. Dun doubt in whatever you believe is right.

my humble opinion.

Hi, brenda,

Thanks for your encouragement.

Yah, I have been trying to train myself to get rid of that ego in speech.  In terms of thoughts, i still have a looonnnng way to go...

There is always that constant tendency to argue my way (in my thoughts) out of a situation (take the case of the washing-plates incident). trying my best. i think thoughts are the most insidious of them (speech, thought, sight, smell, hearing, etc) all....

enough of my mutterings!  :)

Lyciss,
You are right. It is quite complicated for a normal person to understand. They do not think like most Buddhist do such as cause and effect, equinimity etc. That's why I am put in a hard position. I do not have the wisdom to cut through his arguments. I realize when it comes to religious argument, the number one thing to do is avoid it because I might invoke the other person to say horrible things and commit bad speech karma. In a way, it would be my fault if I invoked him or set him off. Perhaps it is my fault as well. I have Ego and I think Padmakumara is apart of me, so when someone criticizes people in the forum I feel he is attacking me. If I had no attachment to my self or padmakumara then I would not feel this way. It is all a cycle.

Wow.....celestial maiden, your life seems to be an emotion
rollercoaster with all the ups and downs.  ;)

But you have written your encounters in such a way that
they are worth pondering over with relation to the cycles of karma.

Very interesting personal viewpoint. Thanks for sharing
with us.  :D

i am glad you have resolved your problems. :)

Sometimes, it is through adversity that one realises how much Grandmaster meant to you. I went thru that, and i hope i passed the tests

Cele,
    thankx for sharin the depths of life with us... its great how you are seeing into karma and i hope youll always be able to keep that kind of mind when ever you are handling your relationships with other people... anyway you can smooth out your life the better...

      om mani padme hum

Thank you for all your comments and for reading my posts. Yes, I have shared many details of my life, perhaps too much. Somtimes I feel stupid afterwards but I think back to the time when I was writing them, that I had good intentions and it makes me feel at ease.

Yes, definitely life is much smoother. I never pray for mundane things anymore. I never pray to have my problems go away or pray for material things. I just pray for one thing: WISDOM. If I have wisdom, then I will not have suffering. My wish must have been granted because I do not see life as suffering anymore. It is so beautiful. "Bad" things may happen, but like Lyciss said, they are life experiences which will make me stronger. Thank you again.

Om Mani Padme Hom

Sigh...i am still stuck at "praying that bad things go away"!

I am very happy for u!

Thanks Jessie. I hope you pray for wisdom too so all your sufferings will dissolve. Again, I'd like to thank you all the dharma brothers and sisters for your support. As you can read, my thoughts, my mind, and my outlook on life have evolved from when I first started this thread. I have changed much in the past month or two as a result of posting this thread and I owe it to you all, Grandmaster, Buddha's, Bodhisattva's, and Dharma Protectors. Thank you!

Om Mani Padme Hom

what a beautiful romantic story. I read it so many times.
Thanks for sharing it with us.

Did he ever tell you why he didnt reveal his feelings to you during the time on the net? Did you ever change pictures on the net? I am just curious why his feelings change after seeing you. Maybe that is why you dont love him as much....The moment of passion is very important.

Yes, Karma is very strange thing. I know the feelings that someone loves you, but you dont like the person at all. **sigh** I feel that it is my destiny too....... **sigh**

you just made me all think about it.. **sigh**
I really deserve a better life

Mimosa

Lyciss,
You have good observation skills. I never noticed the giver and receiver relationship. Yes, you are right again, as always.

Oh..no, I did experience the feelings of being rejected.  I am not that charming!

My sister scolded me today for not giving a guy I have known for years a chance. That is how she put it, "You will never find anyone that is more computer-smart than you, and so rich, so supportive, pamper you so much...."...**sigh** I wanted to jump out of the car.

Is love based on condition? Is love based on look? Is love based on status? Is love based on common interest?

I wish that I were still a little girl and never have to worry about it...**sigh** that is the only thing I dont like about growing up

Mimosa

Hi Mimosa,
   i feel that real love has no conditions... its free of looks and ignores status and love chooses no interests... these are things that you pick and choose... even when you find what you "look for" in a person that you want to be with you still can be without love...
    love shows itself in the intentions but sometimes our personal goals get in the way of our intentions so they tend to not be clear to those around us...
    i think one of the major set backs to society today that most fear it and its often swept under the carpet until one day the rug is removed and ur staring at a huge mess...

      om mani padme hum  

so do you believe that there is always someone special for everyone? To me, I dont think so... that is why we have karma, problems, heartbreaking..life is not a fairtale.

Mimosa

Lyciss. thanks for your wise remark, no I dont get annoyed.

I like the confidence and strength in  men, but I also find them too cocky and inconsiderate. I am attracted to men of intelligence, but they turned out to be self-center. Ah!! Samsara is just full of people with faults! hahaha

Maybe there is someone special for everyone. But, like you said, time has to be right...

Mimosa
   

Hi, Celes,

i know what you mean. I just dumped my bf too because he is too selfish.

it took me a long time to realise how stupid i had been to equate love with "love forever".

i realise how important it is to cultivate becuase of this incident -- i can't take (attachment) love with me when i leave this place. Grandmaster and what He taught us become very precious to me because in an instant, i realise how right He is about the suffering to attachment etc. These precious teachings and cultivation shall hold dear to my heart always