thin face; high ego; stupid me

I just read Jessie's post. She said "high ego", which reminded me of something that happened to me yesterday.....I was very disturbed.

I called the Raden Magazine and asked if I could submit our English articles to them. They said that the time is not rippen yet. I agree and appreciate it. However, I felt quite bad.

I also remember a few weeks ago, I submitted English articles to TBN, but they didnt publish the articles. I felt very bad about it.

Of course, Singapore TBN still publish our English articles.

I know that it is not us. It is just me. I have a very thin face and high ego. I hate to ask help. If I do, it takes me a lot of courage. When people refuse me, I can not help but take it personal. I know..I know..it is bad! I can not help!! so I am stupid!!!

I sometimes really wonder why I am a Chinese. I have a very hard time understanding my own people. Why can people understand that without English, TBS can only be the biggest religion in Chinatown! Withou English-speaking students, GM and TBS will not  have much of influence or impact in this world? Why is Dala Lami so well respected in this world? Go to bookstore, go to assemble, answer is right there.

I am just venting...I guess...... I sometimes feel that perhaps 10 years after I die, the translation will blossom..... for now, people just dont share the same vision with me........

I know..I know..we will still do the translations. It really doesnt matter. I am just venting....

Mimosa

Hi,

 Mimosa,

    First of all, I always thought that you are a "ang mo" ( caucasian in hokkien) , it turned out that you are Chinese!!:))

   Secondly,I am slightly confused by current events, I have with me right now on my hand, a translated complimentary copy of "The Power of Mantra" , which were articles done by this team,( amI right?), it says translated by Cheng Yew Chung, and www.tb-translation.org as the web site.I presumed that that was Lotus Cheng and that was the former name of this group, am I right?
   The Publisher is Lei zang si (singapore) and True Buddha Publications.A anonymous donor donated the money to print 2000 copies.Acknowledements were given to Lujeta Subasic and Mimosa for editing and proofreading the 1st five chapters and Cheng Yew Chung for translating all the articles.
   It seems that your efforts are not wasted.
   Do you have a copy?
   Judging from the book,if you could import the book, which is complimentary ,into USA , distribute it and you would have stepped out a small step in helping non chinese speaking ppl to understand TBS better.
   I once heard from  a radio program here in Australia,where a Tibetan monk(lama) was saying that "It was prophesied in the Buddhist teachings, that Tantrayana ( or Tibetan Buddhism) would find a home in the land of the people of high hats( meaning Westerners)" He then said that that is why he came to Australia to preach.
   If the prophecy is true,( I think GM said something similar, can't remember when) your efforts would bear fruit.:))
   May the Buddhas and Bodhisattavas bless you all.
   

Regards
Xin Kai

Mimosa,  

    First of all, I always thought that you are a "ang mo" ( caucasian in hokkien) , it turned out that you are Chinese!!)
#you didnt know I was a Chinese?? If I was not a Chinese, how could I do proofreading??? I speak quite fluent Chinese, English, Japanese, bit Spanish, Tibetan and Sanskrit! hahah
I just dont think like most Chinese.....**sigh**

this team,( amI right?), it says translated by Cheng Yew
#Cheng was in the team, but he left the team.

presumed that that was Lotus Cheng and that was the former name of this group, am I right?
#yes

   It seems that your efforts are not wasted.

#No...that is not my concern. My concern now is the translation we are doing everyday. I dont care so much to be published as a book. It will be. However, "now" is very important!! How I wish that TBN and Raden can post some English articles on their magazine and newspaper!! Everyday, there are so many people suffering! How I wish that they can learn GM's teachings when they need help....!! Sometimes people dont have the *time* to wait..... you know..especially those who are sick right at this moment.....


   Do you have a copy?
##yes

   If the prophecy is true,( I think GM said something similar, can't remember when) your efforts would bear fruit.)
## it is not the book I am so concerned.

I am  sad for the fact that TBS can only reach to such limited people.........
   



Mimosa

Regards
Xin Kai

I have hit that preverbal brick wall many many times.
Now that I have been with TBS as long I have, not as long as you Mimosa, yet I understand fully.

Mimosa...if you were not Asian..where would be be?
Please think about it.  You are also one of the most intelligent people I know.
Think about your efforts now and in the past how many people you have reached with Grand Master Lu's teachings!  

This is why I am on chat and on Padmakumara and answer personal emails almost everyday from TBS students.  The way I think, is there are many things that I cannot change as a non Mandarin speaking caucation, but as one person I can still make a difference to as many people as I can reach or that find their way to me.

Now we have a Dharma brother in our temple that is going to be a monk who is caucation!  His knowledge of the Dharma is very good.  

Slowly we will be able to reach more people, our website is a proof of that.  Now the translation work is moving along even faster than we anticipated.  (Think the Eight Noble Truths)

But imagine, if you will, many people English speaking people picking up Grand Master's Lu's books, and who are rushing to take refuge...

Who is going to teach the ever inquisitive Westerner who want to know why to everything.  Who are qualified teachers that can speak good enough English to help these people?
There is a time for things to fall into place, and we can only work with our best efforts and intentions.  Also a lot of praying.   :)

The Buddha's and Bodhisattva's do not see us as caucations or Asians or by our language orientation and they definitly do bless our efforts.  

Is there anyone our there that can tell me why?

Mimosa,
    its ok if you feel like you are different than other chinese... it seems a part of you just wants to let go of your ability to be so ambitious towards perfection and become like the rest of the population... and the other part of you feels blessed by your abilities but no one understands them...
     to me you seem to swim up stream like a world glass olympic swimmer or as though the water werent moving the opposite direction, but then you get out of the water and calapse so exhasted all you can do is watch those around you drink water that you could use but no one is offering you any... you are capible of doing what many of us including myself cant, and for that you are well worth the gold metal...
      this is also a case of "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fense" when your ablities can also be a curse... like a super hero who goes out to protect the world from evil has to do all the work and misses out on a "normal" life that everyone else has... but without the super hero what will we do?
      Mimosa, you are my super hero... but dont let this bother you about "doing" the right thing because what ever a super hero does is always for the benifit of the people...
       i think since you maded the offer to Raden Magazine and they declined its upon them holding back the dharma, and that is unfortunate... but what if you werent there to make the offer in the first place? that is far more unfortunate...
       i use to think time was important and the sooner the better, but i have realized that things will happen when they need to be and a few years compaired to a kalpa really arnt much different... just like how one person can acomplish more in a few years than what takes others a kalpa to acomplish, so how is time important then?
      i guess what im trying to say to you Mimosa is not to feel disheartened by their choice even though i know its difficult and sometimes makes no sense... but in time they will come around and perhaps beg you to submit more articles then you can offer them... then wouldnt you be over worked? lol oh no!
       
        om mani padme hum  

Lyciss

You ever consider to be a psychologist? you will be a good one :-)

Yes, I do feel this way. I feel that I have enough abilities to change a bad situation, but people dont consider it was bad.
I also felt that you all have done such excellent works, I wish that more people can be benefitted. But, I am only little I, what can I do?

Brenda, if I were not an Asian, I probably would say, "Oh...English is not their native language, what can you ask for it." The fact I am an Asian, the fact I know Asians too well, it just bothers me more.

Lyciss, I hate to agree with you, but..time may not be rippen yet. For now, I can at least sleep at night, telling myself, "I have offered to help. I have gone out my way to ask. I have no regret......"

I really wish that English-speaking students get more attention.

Mimosa

Lyciss

Thank you. I started to pray for the translation task. At least, I want the Heaven and Earth to know!

Thanks everyone for being here with me. I dont know how to express my gratitude.

May Buddhas bless all of us!

Mimosa